I see you, Tommy

I think Tommy Wiseau reads this blog. Yes, Tommy Wiseau, the enigmatic actor/director/producer of my all-time favorite movie, The Room, and the man who taught me everything I know about romance. See, I keep track of page loads via Statcounter and someone in L.A. frequently looks at my post, The Best Worst Movie of All Time—sometimes as often as twice a day.

So Tommy, if it is you, give me a sign. There are so many questions I have, so many things I want to learn from you. For instance, how did you make such a cinematic masterpiece without formal training? What—or who—is your inspiration? Do you have parents or were you popped out of some vagina in the clouds? I'll be waiting, pen and pencil in hand (I don't know which one will work best...I know you understand).